Tantrum

Oh my...if I had known that the process of going back to school was going to be so disappointing, I probably wouldn't have tried.

Since the first little seed was planted, my estimations on the cost of an education have sprouted all sorts of thorns and weird shit. My original estimate of 13,000 dollars per year looks wonderful compared to the new total of 21,000/yr. Were I receiving any free money, things would still look feasible. However, first degree has prevented me from getting any kind of federal grants and state scholarships. I'm on my own, and the more I learn about subsidized this-n-that and interest and compounded interest, the more I wonder if it's all worth it.

So that's the question. Is it worth it?

I have a hard time placing value on this. It's a dream. It has been since I was VERY little. And it's a dream that I got in the way of...and I don't know if I'll be okay with myself knowing that I wanted to do something and didn't do it because I'm afraid of everything. I've got another 50 to 60 years on this planet and dammit, I want to spend it talking about coprolites and procoelous vertebrae. It makes me happy...in a way I can't understand and don't dare to question.

What's the point in living if you're not doing what makes you happy?

Then again...many people live their lives in a state of misery...I'm fortunate to have (barely) enough money to live off of.

If I go back to school, I'm looking at at least 46,000 dollars in UNDERGRADUATE debt. I need help with this one.

Someone tell me what to do.