Back to school...

The Spring semester officially started this past Monday and so far, so good. I started off my first day with the second half of a year-long introductory biology course. This semester, we're covering Mendelian genetics, evolution, ecology and some physiology. The course is pretty centered around humans and disease, which I find rather disappointing. Every topic, whether it's cell reproduction, metabolism, evolution, or genetics, is somehow connected back to human beings and medicine. It makes sense, since most of the biology majors at the university are actually pre-med students and since there's a hospital connected with the university that has a decent med program.


I'm running into a lot of interesting problems this semester already. For one, I am in smaller classes, which is fantastic!, but I really feel like the weird old lady and I know that people have noticed that I'm not a traditional student. Often, I get asked how old I am by other students, which doesn't bother me, but it is a little strange. Students are much more likely to start conversations with other students in their peer group, so I feel like it's a little hard for me to make connections, which is unusual - I usually am pretty good at meeting people and socializing.


Another problem I've run into is my own ego, which somehow has convinced me that because I'm older than my classmates, that I should be smarter. Yesterday, we were solving a simple genetics problem using simple probability rules and I just couldn't do it without drawing a Punnett Square. All around me, I could hear people saying "Oh! I get it!" and I was getting so annoyed with myself. Why wasn't I getting it? In the end, I left the class a little shaken up - partly because I struggled with the material, but mostly because I don't want to be the kind of person who thinks their age is related to their intelligence. I don't want to feel competitive with my classmates...at least not in that way.


My geology class went a bit more smoothly. In fact, I'm enjoying the class so much that it's going by way too fast. Every day, when the professor says "That's all the time we have for today," I get so disappointed. His class is really interesting and he is very engaging. I felt comfortable with him the first day I stepped into the classroom and I think that that comfort will allow me to open up to asking more questions.

Anyway, things are going well and I'm excited to be back. More to come on the following:

-how I went to the wrong class, twice
-the state of my carotid
-redox boundaries

I know, I know...but it's almost over!

This contest is over in a month and you have all been SO SO SO helpful and I really appreciate it a lot! I'm currently in 4th place and I need another round of votes to boost me up again!

What's Your Favorite Toy? Brickfish

Also, if anyone can figure out how to make the photo show up in the above box, I'd appreciate the advice...I'm not great with html code.

Just make my eggs, dude...

There's this old cranky racist that works in the cafeteria in my building. He's the short order cook in the morning and every time I order scrambled eggs, he peeks through this little window (the one they use to pass plates of food from the kitchen to the serving area) to see who's ordering the eggs.

One day, my co-worker ordered eggs. The woman in front of her, a young black girl, had also ordered eggs. The cranky cook peeked out to see who was ordering. The black girl got a tiny pile of eggs while my co-worker got a heaping pile.

This morning, I decided I was sick of having to look at this guy's face. When I ordered my eggs, I ordered them at the register and stayed out of the line of sight of the window. He never saw who ordered the eggs and I got the biggest pile of eggs I've ever gotten.

New Year's Meme

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? I attended my first academic conference and traveled alone for the first time.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? For the most part, yes. I didn't wear makeup all year (except for photo shoots...but that's different) and I quit smoking.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My friend Alison gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Emma.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My cat, Echo, died of lung cancer. It was and still is pretty horrible.
5. What countries did you visit? I went to Canada...
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? More time to read non-school books.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 14th - I put my sweet little teddy bear cat to sleep. November 4th - I gained some hope for my country.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I had two 4.0 semesters, despite J's illness, my cat's death and my enrollment in the most difficult course I've ever taken.
9. What was your biggest failure? I neglected my blog.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had a cold and a stomach bug...and now I have an aneurysm.
11. What was the best thing you bought? An SVP membership and two plane tickets to Cleveland.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? J and the blogosphere...I got so much support from you all...
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? George Bush and Ben Stein. I'm sure there are more.
14. Where did most of your money go? The SVP annual meeting and Echo's vet bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? SVP. I was excited for, like, six months straight!
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? "Walk the Dinosaur" with accompanying images of Tom Holtz and Julia dancing around at the after-hours party.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? I am happier, fatter and poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Reading, writing, spending time alone.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Oh...was I supposed to do this before Christmas? I spent it with my family and a very sick J. It was lovely.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? I was already in love. But I guess I fell in love with geology...and sloths.
22. How many one-night stands? Nada
23. What was your favorite TV program? So hard to choose from...but probably Battlestar Gallactica with Dr. Who running a very close second.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No...I hated them all last year, too :)
25. What was the best book you read? I really liked "The Secret Life of Bees" and "Wonderful Life."
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Morphine. I know it's not new music, but the song "I'm Free Now" just blew me away.
27. What did you want and get? Big stuff: I wanted to meet people in the paleo world and I met some amazing amazing people. Small stuff: I really wanted a nice rock hammer and some long johns. I got those, too :)
28. What did you want and not get? I really really wanted some magical fairy to come down and say, "hey...here's some money for college...don't worry about it." But that didn't happen, and I suspect it won't.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? I loved The Dark Knight. And if they never make the Watchmen movie, then I'm declaring the trailer as my favorite film.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I worked, but then I went home and had dinner and opened gifts and just spent some time with my roommates, which was nice. I turned 26.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being in school full-time.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Jeans and tee shirts.
33. What kept you sane? I don't know that I was sane.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don't know...I guess Obama got my attention the most.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? The election! And some evolution/creationism stuff.
36. Who did you miss? My family and my close girl friends that I haven't seen in too long.
37. Who was the best new person you met? Any of those paleo blogger people...and the non-blogger paleo people.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. I can do things and do them successfully if I stop quitting out of fear before I've even started.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Bah..I can't think of one. It would contain the words hope and fear.

When I say I'm a little messed up in the head, I totally mean it.

So, I don't know why I haven't blogged about this, but I've been having some medical issues. A couple of months ago, I found out that I had a nerve-fiber layer infarct in my eye. The usual causes are diabetes, HIV and hypertension; three things I am 99% sure I don't have. Since mine was an unusual case (most people have multiple infarcts and are unhealthy), the doctor figured that it was idiopathic, but he left me the option of having any tests done that I felt I needed done.


I have a family history of aneurysms...my mother had one in her brain stem that ruptured when I was 15, nearly killing her. My grandfather had some as well. In the week before the follow-up with the eye doctor, I had been having headaches; not big headaches...just sinus-y headaches. So, when the doc offered to refer me for any tests, I told him I wanted an MRA. He managed to get my insurance company to cover it! 100%! Here are the results:





That arrow? It's pointing at one of my aneurysms. I guess I have two; two tiny aneurysms.

I'm not really nervous, at least not consciously. They're small enough that they're not really in any danger of rupturing and hell, it's better to know they're there. But still, sometimes when I get a headache or bend over to pick something up, I worry just a little bit.


I had a CT angiogram yesterday. They injected me with an iodine-based dye which will act as a contrast. They had to put an IV in my arm and that was horrible. I'm TERRIFIED of needles. When I was six, I had ITP (basically all of my platelets disappeared) and I had to have blood drawn for months. The nurses and doctors threatened to tie me down often, because I would kick and scream and cry. I've gotten a bit better since then, but the whole time that the IV was in my arm, I was really tense. I could feel the dye entering my blood stream and as soon as it did, I could tasted metal in my mouth. Then, my eyes and head got really hot and as the dye traveled through the rest of me, I felt like I peed myself. Very very strange...


So, I'll learn more when the CT scan results come back (and I'll totally post those pictures, too, because I'm sure they'll be awesome!!!). I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon in the beginning of January. I don't think they'll recommend surgery of any kind, but it'll be interesting to see what they want to do about it all.


Me, I'm just going to wait to freak out until I know there's something to freak out about.

The "How did you meet ___?" meme

I promise...cool post about Vermont geology to come. But first, something less time-consuming during this week after the end of the semester (in which my brain is mushy and NOT into writing about anything sciency):

(I guess I copied this incorrectly, because it doesn't include the title that explains the whole thing...but it's about J)

Where did you meet? At an Aikido weapons seminar. I was trying to find a place to sneak a cigarette and I snuck off behind a barn and J was there with his friend, Greg. This might not be the first time we met, but it's the first time I remember meeting.

What was the first thought that went through your head when you met? I was really intimidated by him, actually. He seemed kinda sarcastic and I was SO insecure at that point in my life. Sarcasm and insecurity don't mix well, y'know?

Do you remember what he/she was wearing? No, I don't. But J sorta has a uniform...so I bet he was wearing some Carhartt pants and a red, grey, blue or brown tee shirt.

Where was the first time you kissed this person? This is a story that I cannot in good conscience put up on this blog. I'm pretty sure it's more embarrassing to him than it is to me :)

Where did you go for your first date? Alone, I think it was this little restaurant called the Shed in a town about 40 minutes away from ours. We had dinner and then walked around town and then drove home, listening to the Dresden Dolls. In fact, I have a picture:

How long did you know this person before you became a couple? I don't know. Maybe 8 months or something close to that?

How did he/she ask you out? That never really happened. I just introduced him as my boyfriend to someone one day and then we talked about that and decided we both were interested.

Has this person ever proposed to you? No. I think once he asked me if I wanted to get married, but that wasn't a proposal, really. He was just wondering.

Do you and this person have kids together? Nope.

Have you ever broken the law with this person? I think so. I mean, speeding...I'm sure we've trespassed, too.

When was the first time you realized that you liked this person? We were sitting on the couch one night with our roommates and one of them said something kinda mean to me and J stood up for me and I realized that I had gotten him all wrong and all the sudden I saw him for who he was and I was like, "sweet...this guy is so funny and caring and I totally wanna be with him."

Do you trust this person? Yes. He's got a heart of gold and he's as honest as they come.

Do you see him as your partner in your future? Yes. The thought of anyone else makes me actually feel sick.

What is the best gift he gave you? Well, when we first got together he made me a mixed CD and it had all of these songs that reminded me of him and I listened to it every day at work for hours and had that giddy happy glow for weeks.

What is one thing He does that gets on your nerves? He puts dirty dishes on the right side of the sink instead of the left. And there are some more things, too. But they never outweigh the good.

Where do you see each other 15 years from now? I'm hoping we're both finished with school and settled into our careers and still happy with each other. That's all.

What causes the most arguments? We're both ultra sensitive and neither one of us tolerate the other being upset very well.

How long have you been together? Two years this February.

Are you Married? Nope.

Vote often :)

Thanks to everyone who voted for me in the Brickfish "My Favorite Toy" contest. It's not over yet...another month or two, but you've managed to get me into 11th place and I'm the 2nd "most viral" meaning people are linking to my entry from all over.

I just learned that you can vote every 2 hours, so if you feel like popping over there a few more times over the next couple of months, that would be awesome.

What's Your Favorite Toy? Brickfish

I'm your teacher, not your friend...

One of the biggest challenges I've run into in my classes has been maintaining professional relationships with my TAs. As an undergraduate taking introductory courses, my TAs are usually first-year graduate students, closer to my age than the majority of my classmates. They are more mature than my classmates (usually) and they're pretty much guaranteed to be interested in the the same things I am. I like them. A lot. They're the kinds of people I want to be friends with; interested in science, passionate about something, intelligent and mature, but not too mature.

Except they're my teachers and certain boundaries have to be maintained. I'm not talking about romantic relationships here, which are certainly out of the question for a multitude of reasons; just friendships.

Now that the lab section for my biology course has ended, I find that the "we can't be friends" thing that my TA and I have maintained has slipped away. We have plans to go dancing some night soon. And it's exciting...she's a cool girl and I have been wanting to form more friendships with women. But there's still that weirdness and while I'm sure I will get over it, I'm not entirely sure that I should.

Who's to say that some semester in the future, she might not be my TA again?

What do you think? Have you had this experience?

Help me win some $ for school...

So, I'm planning on going to school full-time this fall, but I'm totally terrified of it. I'll be quitting a job at a time when people are losing theirs like crazy. I'll be selectively putting myself in debt during a recession. And I'm scared.

But I'm also scared to give up on school. And I think I could live with myself if I were poor, but not if I quit this school thing.

So, I'm going for as many little scholarships as I can and I need your help with this one. I've posted a box on the right - it's for the Brickfish "My Favorite Toy" scholarship. Click on the vote button and vote for me. I would appreciate it more than you know.

Humph...

I've come to a conclusion. Not a life-shattering one or anything...but this:

I don't have a very interesting life.

I mean, I do. I find it interesting because I'm living it. But you might not be so interested in it.

I also don't have much time. I'm constantly doing something. Work has picked up because we have a new editor and he's like a tornado and is constantly coming up with new things for us to do here in the office. School is quite crazy this semester because I'm fitting in 2 lab courses besides work...and it will be that way next semester, too.

So, I don't really know how to fit in this whole blogging thing. I could write about paleo and geology and biology and zoology, but I dont' have time to do any research. I could write about my life, but that's mostly just interesting to me and also, my life is literally just eat, sleep, poop, study and work. And who cares about that?

I'm in a rut. And I apologize for a) not posting and b) posting about not posting.

I think I need a new direction. Perhaps I could explore the basics of science with illustrations or something. Hand-write my blog posts and post them as pictures - use the time I have on the bus-ride to and from work to write them.

Or I could stop writing. But I don't actually want to do that.

So, I'm working on it...this rut. I'm mostly just worried about losing connections. This blog has helped me meet so so so many awesome people and I don't want to ruin that.